Self-Discipline, A Certain Way to Confidence

What gives us confidence? Success

What gives us success? Confidence

Success and Confidence run in a cycle. But how and where do we enter into this.

Our successes in life give us confidence, give us pleasure, more pleasure when it is validated and appreciated by everyone else. When it doesn’t get the desired response, it makes a dent into our confidence levels.

In today’s life, we find that riding this cycle is not that smooth. Our levels of confidence are regularly on a peak and trough mode, less of peaks and more of troughs. There are others who don’t experience any of these fluctuations. They are in a perpetual low at all times.

Boosters are short lived. They are as short as public memory. New things happen every day. New achievers sprung every minute, shifting the focus from our success to theirs. We might receive awards from eminent personalities or organisations, but even these are short lived. The happiness and feeling of being at the summit don’t last.

How do we maintain a confidence level at an optimum high, irrespective of the reactions of people around us?

What is it that then gives us a constant source of confidence and inspiration? Do we need to achieve something every day to boost up ourselves?

We have seen any number of videos, listened to any number of motivational speakers, read any number of personality development books. But nothing seems to fill the void and create the understanding of creating a confidence. For instance, list your strengths, focus on them, develop a mental strength, all happiness is inside you, so on and so forth. Everything seems to comfort for the while, but does not seem to last forever.

This write-up is only for those who really want to boost up their confidence forever. The one who reads to the end gets the essence.

Let us do some introspection. What are our confidence dippers? Each one of us have a desire, a strong desire, a passion to be a someone and do something. Each time we embark upon a work, we are faced with various kinds of stiff resistances that dampen our spirits, crush our hearts and thwart our progress. When we float with these waves of negativity, when we allow ourselves to be lifted off by the claws of every evil eagle, we land up on unforeseen places. Fear, ridicule and our own suspicion of results belittles our confidence in our ventures and dreams. We tend to procrastinate things, sleep on them, feel lazy to execute smaller objectives and goals. We plan, sometimes, more than is needed for the current and overwhelmed, we end up shelving it somewhere. We tend to blame others, stop taking responsibility for things that affect us day to day. We defend our mistakes as being the right ones taken at appropriate times. We get hurt when we are advised and our mistakes pointed out. When coming to taking decisions, we rely on the positive feedbacks from others and dilute our strong convictions. We slowly stop speaking, stop thinking, stop growing. We think twice before speaking to friends and tend to speak, act in ways that others are pleased and we are appreciated for our good manners. In the bargain, we have sacrificed our self confidence and our dear passions and dreams.

After spending years and years of life in deep dark pools of diffidence, I suddenly find the single solution to all these problems. And the answer is “Self -Discipline”

Once you understand your diffidence, once you realise that there is a fear inside you, that grumbles in your bowels and you have a strong will to get rid of this, you certainly can win.

Now observe the lives of people who have become great and left impressions on this world forever. Most of them have faced troubled living and none of them have had a cake walk. How then did they succeed? Simply because they had a certain discipline in their lives.

Why is Mahatma Gandhi a celebrated leader all over the world? Not because he got India freedom, but because of the Disciplined life he lead. This gave him the power to impress upon the entire world, the values of Truth & Non-violence.

Discipline is a trait each one of us is identified with. Even our achievements or failures do not matter. But, when we do not have any discipline, even our achievements will not be respected and viewed as stroke of fortune.  

Discipline comes to you when you thrust an activity upon yourself. Anything that you do in periodic intervals of time, anything that is done systematically, sequentially is a discipline. It might be a very simple thing. A daily walking or exercise schedule, a dietary schedule, a work schedule.

Examine your life and daily routines. Write down the principles you follow, those that you admire and abide by. Each according to his profession or duty can work out their daily, weekly or even annual schedules. Don’t forget to work out family schedules.

Whereas planning these schedules is only the beginning. Once you pledge to perform some action, you must not only scrupulously do it but also finish the action every time. That is Discipline. Disciplined activities give you a sense of completion and fullness. You tend to respect and trust yourself. That is called self-confidence.

Discipline to us, generally means that which is enforced upon us by the cane, by a shrill advisory voice, angry eyes that suppresses our will and rejects our freedom. This Discipline is an external force. Here we speak about a discipline, which is an inner force.

Discipline is a difficult thing. Because by our nature we take praises, not orders or advices. V want claps not slaps. We can fall at the feet, but can’t take the kick.

I have listened and heard umpteen times of robin Sharma speak on 5 am club, the daily rituals of leaders. But all of these were like good music for the ears. Never easy to repeat or practice, and a distant impossibility. But I see the value of all of these nowadays.

If you haven’t the confidence. Don’t worry. Simply build up a routine and stick to it with sustained energy. Great things happen in small steps. A rigid discipline helps you break your bad habits.

How to build your confidence through discipline. Earlier we have seen the various confidence breakers. Discipline is the lone single binder. Discipline is a conduit which transfers every negativity to positivity. Discipline binds the wandering mind and gathers all that has been scattered on the floor of life, akin to gathering all our energies that have been strewn like mustard seeds.

Discipline leads to dedication, leads to focus, concentration of all energies and an everlasting victory.

Discipline makes you deaf to sarcasm. U revel in your own glory. You are a bright light yourself. You need no other light to shine upon you.

When you stick to a discipline, people see your commitments every day. People will trust you. Will listen to you. Will respect you. You will respect yourself. Your spouse, kids and siblings will respect you. Your behaviour becomes a predictable entity.

Discipline is an everyday achievement. It is a recognition that lasts forever. You become possessed by it. It offers you power. It boosts your self-confidence. It offers you control over most things. Make discipline your habit.

An undisciplined life is like a forest. Beautiful, but no one can live in it forever. It is wild. Discipline is a garden, a field where butterflies, bees and peacocks dance in various hues.

To every sleeping child, a wake-up call is a pain. The surest way to numb this pain is to be our own masters. The force should be from within us, not from outside us. Discipline gives us confidence, both from within and from outside. Discipline gives us the mental strength to endure, to win, to be at peace.

Painless Divorce

Divorces are always painful, more so for the girl.

They involve at least three planes –

Firstly, The Pain of having offered oneself to a man whom She dislikes.

Secondly, the Pain of the suffering of Mind at the hands of an unfriendly spouse and in-laws.

Thirdly, the Pain inflicted by the Future in the form of Family Acceptance, Societal Understanding, Male Terrorism, Rearing of children and Livelihood.

Divorce, is primarily a mismatching of Egos, Preferences, Expectations.

Marriages made after matching of horoscopes, or mutual love fail alike. Before marriage, the opposite parties were focussing only on their desired traits. It is only after the marriage, the undesirable traits become visible.

Kanchipuram Mahaperiyava has offered a solution to these Dilemmas.
It is a fashion today to consummate the couple on the first day of marriage, making it a gaudy ritual. MahaPeriyavasays, as per sastras, MARRIAGES MUST BE CONSUMMATED ONLY After ONE YEAR.( i.e., The Groom should follow Samvatsara diksha or Brahmacharya) It is during this period that the couple can iron out differences. If not OK, they will part, making it a Painless Separation.

A LIFE OF FEAR

For fear of the thorn
I plucked not the rose
For fear of the pain
I touched not the thorn


For fear of fall and
fear of the flow
Neither did I run,
nor did I swim
Just walked on earth,
just waded in water


For fear of the sun and
fear of the rain
Neither did I toil
nor did I drench
Just hid in the shade,
under the roof


For fear of failure,
for fear of being lost
Neither did I try,
nor did I love
Just floated, just dreamt..


For fear of ridicule,
for fear of fame
Neither did I stand up
nor did I speak


For fear of disease,
for fear of death,
Neither did I eat,
nor have I lived
Just survived..
I just survive..


For fear of the thorn,
I plucked not the rose..
For fear of the pain,
I touched not the thorn.

My Gift to You

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What shall I gift You?
I look into the yonder sky
The stars, too far
The sun, too hot
The moon is bright, cool,
Nevertheless far.

Whatever on earth that I can get
You can wear it or it wears in time
Or you can eat, its lost in taste
Or can be seen,  heard or touched
Decked in dusty shelves..

My real gift to you
Indispensable in time, my soul.

The smile in your eyes,
Cooler than moonlight.

The energy in your touch
Hotter than the sun

The love we hold, deeper
Than the stars in space.

The care in your fear
Love’s armour..

You are the youth
In the evening of my life.

My gift to you, myself
My love, my soul…

Leave me Free

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Leave me like the tree in the wild,
Free To expand with
the fingers of the Sun..

Me drink from the clouds,
Don’t struggle to water me…

Don’t prune my branches
To Fit snugly into your mind’s Eye-
I am no potted shoot in your garden..

Don’t shoo the birds
Or break their nests..
They rob me,never,  of my space
In earth, the Air or the Sky..
They fill my Soul with their
Musical chirp…

Leave me like the tree in wild
Free to expand.

Ye command me not
With an eye on my fruits

You shall wait till
I offer them ripe

Leave me Free
For when I am done
I am still yours

Leave me Free
And Rest in my Shade..

I am rooted in you,
My roots hold me to you
And you to me..

Fear Not for Winds
that might blow me down
Or lightning strike my soul..

Leave me free

And rest in my shade.

-Sang.

This poem expresses a cry for freedom in a relationship, and identified with that of a tree..

In this poem ‘ Leave me Free’

The tree symbolizes a householder tied down by the fears ( wind, lightning), fancies (pruned to look good),
care (watering), possessiveness (shoos birds,breaks nests) etc. of his partner.

He tries to exchange freedom with his fruits (earnings), clouds (social network),
Shade (security) still yours (insurance).

He argues that the grant of freedom strengthens their relationship (roots and shoots).

The Everyday Journey

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The PAST in the Earth Under,


The Future in the Sky Yonder


In Between,


the Unbridled Mind Wanders,


the Unbridled Mind Wonders,


While the Enslaved Spirit


Yearns to Surrender.

-Sang

Explanation::

Our lives in the past has passed in time under our feet,  so it is under earth.

Our future lives can be imagined, created and visualized. But it has to be achieved in time.. So its like the far sky.

In between :: Between our Past & Future, is our Present Day…Today.. Everyday.. that comes from future and falls under our feet as past.

The unbridled mind ( Mind that has not been, cannot be controlled)

Wanders..
Wonders..

The enslaved spirit ( The spirit or atma is dormant coz of the pains and pleasures of life)

Yearns (deeply desires..)
For Surrender ( freedom and unity with God)

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